Follow up to "If Only"

Well…I'm no longer wondering about what could have happened with that kid I liked back in high school. He came down to Provo on Saturday, and we watched the Hobbit.  It was fun, and I still think he has an amazing singing voice (he played a couple of his original songs before the movie), but I have my answer as to what would have happened -- nothing.  He doesn't respect my religion, he's too sarcastic. Honestly, I think what would have happened is the same thing as if Alex and I actually started dating - -would've been fun at first, but then too many personality quirks would have gotten on my nerves and I would've ended things. Anyway…just thought I'd write an update.  No song today, sorry. :/

Confused

I feel so lost right now
Betrayed by friends
Set adrift in the sea of life
Who can I turn to?

There is one who is always there
One who may be far away,
But listens to every word I say
Sometimes I may question His existence

But there is no doubt right now
That He's as real as you and me
He is there, and loves me dearly
And though confused, I'll turn to Him

He provides me with clarity
Helps me see my purpose
And who I'm meant to be
Through this confusion I'm facing

I can't control her or him
But I can control me
I see the light, and what's right
And I will not be moved

I feel quite hurt right now
I don't know what to do
And feel so alone
But I know He's there

He will always be there
So when you feel confused
Or so lost you won't be found
Turn to Him, He's always there.


Not what I was expecting. But it works.  And it helped provide me with answers to questions that I have. And in the end, that's all I want from my writing.

If Only

So a friend told me to let down my walls and think outside the lines.  It's hard for me to do that though cuz I don't want to get hurt. But…I feel like I should own my content. Not sure if you'll ever see this, but if you do…I meant what I said. You didn't lead me on. But I still wonder what would have happened had you not transferred schools.  So this is my way of dealing with the fact that I'll never know.  Also -- I know this is awkward, but please don't ignore me. I still want to be friends. So please don't cut me off.  To the love of my life..I love you with all my heart. I really do. But you're gone, and sometimes the saudade is too much and our retrouvailles seems forever away and sometimes I wonder…forgive me please?

It feels like just the other day
We were in class together
Years have since gone by
I've forgotten most of who/what happened then
But for some reason we still talk
Still joke about our different schools


And now I can't help but wonder
What would have happened?
Had you not gone away, but rather stayed
Not sure we would've worked out
But I still can't help thinking
If only we could find out

Now I'm down south
And you're up north
But our love for music and sci-fi
Somehow keeps us connected
Though now I wonder why
You have her, I have him..why even try?

But I still can't help but wonder
What would have happened?
Had you not gone away, but rather stayed
Not sure we would've worked out
But I still can't help thinking
If only we could find out

If only.

One of my worst songs..but I just needed to get the words out.