If Only

So a friend told me to let down my walls and think outside the lines.  It's hard for me to do that though cuz I don't want to get hurt. But…I feel like I should own my content. Not sure if you'll ever see this, but if you do…I meant what I said. You didn't lead me on. But I still wonder what would have happened had you not transferred schools.  So this is my way of dealing with the fact that I'll never know.  Also -- I know this is awkward, but please don't ignore me. I still want to be friends. So please don't cut me off.  To the love of my life..I love you with all my heart. I really do. But you're gone, and sometimes the saudade is too much and our retrouvailles seems forever away and sometimes I wonder…forgive me please?

It feels like just the other day
We were in class together
Years have since gone by
I've forgotten most of who/what happened then
But for some reason we still talk
Still joke about our different schools


And now I can't help but wonder
What would have happened?
Had you not gone away, but rather stayed
Not sure we would've worked out
But I still can't help thinking
If only we could find out

Now I'm down south
And you're up north
But our love for music and sci-fi
Somehow keeps us connected
Though now I wonder why
You have her, I have him..why even try?

But I still can't help but wonder
What would have happened?
Had you not gone away, but rather stayed
Not sure we would've worked out
But I still can't help thinking
If only we could find out

If only.

One of my worst songs..but I just needed to get the words out.