Todo Cambio

Hey there!

So -- I've spent the last 10 months in Mexico, serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints.  It's been an amazing experience, and also inspired some songs. :p  Here's one of them...sorry, it's in Spanish...but i felt like posting it nonetheless. :P


Al recordar las coasa
Que he hecho, buenas, malas
Siento algo en mi corazón
Algo que describir no puedo

Entonces ellas llegaron
Mis preguntas contestaron
Y por la vez primera
fue aliviada mi carga

Gracias a que el vive
Mi pasado lo deje
Entre en estas aguas
Y mis errores limpie

Paginas en blanco
Naci de nuevo
Gracias a El
Todo cambio

Al aprender las cosas
Quiero cambie mi vida
Mi destino es divino
Aunque-el sendero desconozco

No sera muy fácil
Caminar a veces divicil
Pero El esta a lado
Conmigo esta luchando

Gracias a que-el vive
Mi pasado lo deje
Entre en estas aguas
Y mis errores limpie
Paginas en blanco
Naci de nuevo
Gracias a El
Todo cambio

No soy la mismo
El me sano
Yo le seguire
Con todo corazón

Gracias a el..
Todo cambio.


So yeah...hope you liked it.  I wrote it after one of our investigators, Evangelina, got baptized. :p

Days gone by...

Hey there!

So...it's been a while.  A lot has changed...hearts broken...hearts that people tried to steal but couldn't....hearts healed...hearts changed.  Some of the stories are mine, others are of others who I tried to help.

But anyway -- today I was looking through some of my notebooks...found a couple of songs I wrote.  So....here's to day's gone by. :P

This Story...

I may not be as tall
As I would like to be
And there will be walls
Over which I may not see
I may have wasted some
Great opportunities
To serve my fellow man
Maintain my purity.

But let it now be said
She learned her lesson well
And never again fell
Now this story they will tell

Of one with integrity
Who lived life honestly
And now had purity
With endless charity

Who always went to serve
With excellence and verve
Who never failed to listen
And always was out givin'

Never willing to be late
When 'twas time to celebrate
Her constant optimism
Lit others like a prism

Always took a challenge
And climbed the highest ridges
Always with a smile
going the extra mile

Not afraid to study
Act a little crazy
Loved above all to learn
And for others had concern
Who always acted graciously
Who loves adventures
But above all will they tell
Of one who lived her life well.


This one was a random one I found...I think I wrote it after all the shenanigans with Dakota.  Just stumbled across it as I looked through some of my old stuff.

Here's another one...also written after Dakota...though I feel like this one's written a little better.  :P

I'm Sorry, Really

Random burst of courage
or at least that's what I thought
Never stopped to wonder
About what it would cast

It never crossed my mind
That this was such a risk
That to your heart it wasn't kind
That very first time we kissed

But now I'm sorry really
Sorry for not thinking
For dreams that will not be
And your heart that must be breaking

You were an open book
But why'd I read a line?
And now I wish I hadn't took
The things that were not mine

Those three amazing months
We never thought would end
Now I feel so much like a done
For not seeing all that happened.

We were lost in our dreams
And never thought about
The times in between
Why did we never doubt?

So now I'm sorry really
Sorry for not thinking
For dreams that will not be
And your heart that must be breaking

You were an open book
But why'd I read a line
And now I wish I hadn't took
The things that were not mine

All those promises broken
Now what can I say
I'll just leave you with a token
I will not make you stay

Yes go, and don't return
I would not wish you back
For though right now I may be hurt
I do not fear I'll lack.

You were an open book
But why'd I read a line
And now I wish I hadn't took
The things that were not mine

Do not fear for me
Or cry very long
For now I'm much more happy
Then when you came a long.

Still I'm sorry really
Sorry for not thinking
But better dreams you soon will have
So just forget me now.

Follow up to "If Only"

Well…I'm no longer wondering about what could have happened with that kid I liked back in high school. He came down to Provo on Saturday, and we watched the Hobbit.  It was fun, and I still think he has an amazing singing voice (he played a couple of his original songs before the movie), but I have my answer as to what would have happened -- nothing.  He doesn't respect my religion, he's too sarcastic. Honestly, I think what would have happened is the same thing as if Alex and I actually started dating - -would've been fun at first, but then too many personality quirks would have gotten on my nerves and I would've ended things. Anyway…just thought I'd write an update.  No song today, sorry. :/

Confused

I feel so lost right now
Betrayed by friends
Set adrift in the sea of life
Who can I turn to?

There is one who is always there
One who may be far away,
But listens to every word I say
Sometimes I may question His existence

But there is no doubt right now
That He's as real as you and me
He is there, and loves me dearly
And though confused, I'll turn to Him

He provides me with clarity
Helps me see my purpose
And who I'm meant to be
Through this confusion I'm facing

I can't control her or him
But I can control me
I see the light, and what's right
And I will not be moved

I feel quite hurt right now
I don't know what to do
And feel so alone
But I know He's there

He will always be there
So when you feel confused
Or so lost you won't be found
Turn to Him, He's always there.


Not what I was expecting. But it works.  And it helped provide me with answers to questions that I have. And in the end, that's all I want from my writing.

If Only

So a friend told me to let down my walls and think outside the lines.  It's hard for me to do that though cuz I don't want to get hurt. But…I feel like I should own my content. Not sure if you'll ever see this, but if you do…I meant what I said. You didn't lead me on. But I still wonder what would have happened had you not transferred schools.  So this is my way of dealing with the fact that I'll never know.  Also -- I know this is awkward, but please don't ignore me. I still want to be friends. So please don't cut me off.  To the love of my life..I love you with all my heart. I really do. But you're gone, and sometimes the saudade is too much and our retrouvailles seems forever away and sometimes I wonder…forgive me please?

It feels like just the other day
We were in class together
Years have since gone by
I've forgotten most of who/what happened then
But for some reason we still talk
Still joke about our different schools


And now I can't help but wonder
What would have happened?
Had you not gone away, but rather stayed
Not sure we would've worked out
But I still can't help thinking
If only we could find out

Now I'm down south
And you're up north
But our love for music and sci-fi
Somehow keeps us connected
Though now I wonder why
You have her, I have him..why even try?

But I still can't help but wonder
What would have happened?
Had you not gone away, but rather stayed
Not sure we would've worked out
But I still can't help thinking
If only we could find out

If only.

One of my worst songs..but I just needed to get the words out.

Silent Tears

I was sitting in my room today
Talking with my mom
Not sure what to say
I felt she was judging me
Once again controlling
Who I am, who I need to be

I'm feeling better now
but can't help but wish
That where was a way, somehow
That you could have been there
Could have held me close
As you stroked my hair

[Chorus]
I hate that you're not here
Reaching out to empty air
Crying silent tears
Wishing that your hand was there

 This was not the first time
I suffered alone
Wishing that the tarnished dime
Left solitary on the floor
If tossed into a well
Could open the future's door

Two and a half years
But your departure, not homecoming
seems much more near
It's only been 6 weeks
and yet I wish I could
into the future peek

[Chorus]

I know that I should not despair
It'll seem but a blink of an eye
before you're once more there
And so this thought gives me hope
And keeps me going
when I want to mope

I'll love you forever and always
Through all of my life
Through all of my days
And look forward to the day
When we'll no longer depart
But only together stay

I know that you'll be here
Filling all the empty air
Wiping away the silent tears
I'll grab your hand that's now here

I know that you'll be here,
Wiping away my silent tears.

Waiting

So my boyfriend is currently serving a mission in Eugene, Oregon, and I won't see him again until November 2015, when I get back from my mission. I still get to hear from him in a weekly e-mail, but it's not nearly the same. So this song describes what it's like waiting for him.

It's been a month
since we last spoke
Since I heard your voice
say that you love me

Sure, you've written
but it's just not the same
I want your arms around me
and your lips on mine

I want to just sit
and while away the hours
Talking about everything
and about nothing too.

I hate all those times
When something happens
And I just want to tell you
But remember I can't

You are my other half
The Hebrew ezer knegdo
A perfect help meet
For all my problems

I know that time will fly
and we'll be back
together very soon
But still I'm waiting

Waiting for you.


Not what I first had in mind. But it works. More a poem than a song though. Ya..