Monday, October 22, 2012
Wasn't Worth it
It's funny how the thing you want to accomplish with a song can change as you begin to write it. I started writing this song to describe how I'm over my ex and like someone else now...instead it turned into simply another, different way of saying good-bye for the thousandth time...
I still remember the day
you asked me to write you
I had my heart on my sleeve
And just couldn't say 'no'.
We'd each sworn to always
be there for the other
Said if something happened
We'd never move on
Chorus:
Got one thing right
I'll never be the same
But was it worth it
Giving my heart away?
When I didn't really mean it
All those times I said
Not going anywhere; I'll be here
Forever and always.
We never saw it coming
that day in July
Took us by surprise
completely blindsided
Still reeling from the shock
Of a love now lost
Never to return
Forever gone from view.
Chorus
You'll always be with me
As one more thing on the list
of all those things I regret
and wish I could forget
But now you're gone
Never to return
And to my surprise
I find I've moved on
So I Got one thing Right
I'll never be the same
But it wasn't worth it
Giving my heart away
Since I didn't really mean it
The countless times I said
Not going anywhere, I'll be here
Forever and always
No, it wasn't worth it.
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Excellent start. While I'm not even going to pretend to have any kind of experience in music or poetic writing (much less in the field of this particular kind), I would suggest trying to write a response from "His" point of view. Or- and this may actually be better- you could say what you hope he has received from your mutual exchange.
ReplyDeleteYou have what you feel about what happened, now what is it you want/expect him to feel in return? Do you want him to feel the same way? Do you hope he's moved on as well? Or do you secretly hope he still misses you and wishes things were different?
Another thing you might consider- your chorus is good, and I love how the last one has subtle changes that hint at a gradual recovery, but your story arc is a bit misleading. Now, since this is a personal story and a general audience isn't expected to know the details this may not actually matter, but the second and third parts (We never saw it coming... and You'll always be with me...) need a better transition/explanation. I could easily see people thinking the second part is supposed to be some kind of accident that separated you two, which would lead to confusion about why you want to forget him and even feelings of shock that you've "moved on" from losing someone in the third part. Without getting into painful specifics, is there some way you could better word what happened "that day in July" so it doesn't sound like he died or something?
Anyway, those are just some thoughts. But what do I know? It's your song- as far as form goes I think it's beautifully done. You kept each section symmetrical enough so that, if put into a song, they can fit in the same rhythm. There is a flow to your story that gives it a direction- it doesn't ramble like some amateur lyrics out there.
I'd be very interested to hear this song the way it's supposed to be sung. There's only so much one can say about lyrics when they don't know the way they sound. Maybe, if you're up to it, you could put up videos/audio links of your future songs on here too, so people will know the tone and pitch you want for each part.
--Zach
Thanks for the advice! I especially like the idea of writing from "his" point of view...that's something I never considered and think would be great! That might even serve as a better second verse...you're right - in the second verse it kinda does sound like he died.
ReplyDeleteBut for all intents and purposes, he has died to me. I'll never see or talk to him again. It's like he's been erased from existence, as far as I'm concerned. Still....my readers don't know that, so you're right...best to not make it seem like he's dead. :)
I'll try re-writing the second verse from his point of view...i actually think that could be cool -- my view, his view, then mine again. Thanks for the idea. :) Let me know what you think of the revised lyrics?